What should I include in the first paragraph of a query letter?
- The first paragraph opens with a hook or a personalization, not both at length.
- Lead with personalization when you have a strong, specific reason to query this agent.
- Lead with the hook when your personalization would be generic.
- Include title, genre, and word count somewhere in the opening.
- The first paragraph decides whether the agent reads the second.
The first paragraph should open with either a sharp hook or a specific personalization — whichever is stronger for this agent — and state your title, genre, and word count. Lead with personalization when you have a concrete, true reason to query this agent (a sale they made, a stated wish-list item). Lead with the hook when your personalization would be generic. Never bury the housekeeping; the agent needs to know what they are being offered immediately.
Chapter i·Why it matters
Agents read the first line of a query the way they read the first line of a manuscript — as a test of whether the writer can hold attention. A vague or apologetic opening signals weak pages to come; a confident hook or a genuinely specific personalization signals the opposite. Because agents triage queries in seconds, the first paragraph does more work than any other part of the letter.
Chapter ii·What to include
- A choice between hook-first and personalization-first for this specific agent.
- A hook that captures the central conflict, not a vague theme.
- Personalization that is specific and true — a deal, a client, a wish-list item.
- Title, genre, and word count stated plainly.
- A tone that matches your book without gimmicks.
- No throat-clearing, apologies, or rhetorical questions.
Chapter iii·Example
For an agent whose wish list names "slow-burn sapphic fantasy," a writer opens with one specific sentence about that match, then her hook and housekeeping. For an agent with no public wish list, she leads with the hook — "When the kingdom's last cartographer is ordered to erase a country from the map, she draws a new one instead" — followed by title, genre, and word count. Same book, two openings, each tuned to the reader.
WriteLoom's Pitch studio drafts hook-first and personalization-first openings so you can pick the stronger one for each agent.
Draft your opening